its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
