You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
