I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
