WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
