I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
