White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
We're too hungover to prance.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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