I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
