Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
