if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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