I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
