well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Randomize
