You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
