I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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