nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
