Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
