home. puking in laundry basket.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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