Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
