Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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