around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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