tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
