trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
