oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
