I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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