Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
