I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
