We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
