babies were throwing up all over the place
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
