Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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