Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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