Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
