I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
