We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
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