Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
