yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
