when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
