Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize