Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
