She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
