I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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