I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize