He kissed a someone with a penis
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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