just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
