How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
