when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I'm really busy with my period
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