Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
