Sponge bath it is.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
