Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
