The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You have to summon your inner elephant
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
