sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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