I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
