yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
