Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I want to make a zoo with you.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Randomize
