she kept yelling 'call me bella'
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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