he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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