There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
