So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
