The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
