Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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