I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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