Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
