I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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