I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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