Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
