i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize