There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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