I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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