btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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