We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
