There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
