one two three fourrrrnication!
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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