I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
