drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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