You work out of a Hotel?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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