Hey man sorry I got all grabby
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
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