I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
