yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize