I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
