I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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