You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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