Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
