some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
