you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
