hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
