It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
