Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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