You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
