i need an iv and a liver transplant
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
