Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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