He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize